Guy Who Bought Entire Case of Prizm Still Pretending It’s Not a Bad Investment

 

Friends Secretly Place Bets on When He’ll Admit Defeat

 

In what can only be described as an inspiring display of delusion, local collector Greg “CardKing87” Thompson is continuing to insist that purchasing an entire case of 2023-24 Prizm Basketball was a “brilliant investment” despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Thompson, 34, spent his entire tax refund and part of his daughter’s college fund to secure the 12-box case, convinced it would propel him to sports card stardom.

“It’s just a matter of time before these rookie cards blow up in value,” said Thompson, holding up his 17th Isaiah Todd base card, which he’s now framing as a "hidden gem of the future." “You don’t understand the market, man. The real collectors are playing the long game. I’m just sitting on a goldmine waiting to explode.”

Thompson’s confidence appears unwavering, despite the fact that most of his box breaks have yielded more base cards than the junk wax era. His prized pulls so far include three slightly off-center Jalen Green silver parallels and an autographed card of some second-round pick whose last name he can't pronounce.

“I mean, look at these sick parallels,” Thompson said, holding up a purple shimmer Kristaps Porziņģis card with a print line visible from space. “This stuff is going to be huge in a couple of years. Just wait until the Kristaps market takes off again.”

Despite the growing number of top loaders scattered around his living room containing nothing but random bench players, Thompson remains unfazed. He cites his "deep knowledge" of the hobby as a reason for his undying optimism.

“Sure, I haven’t pulled a Cade Cunningham RPA yet, but you know what? It’s all part of the game. The law of averages is on my side," Thompson explained while reorganizing a stack of numbered-to-299 parallels of players no one has heard of. “In the next box, I just know I’m hitting a LaMelo Ball Zebra Stripe, or at least a super-short-printed Goga Bitadze. It’s bound to happen.”

Friends and family members have started questioning Thompson’s financial choices, though delicately, so as not to disrupt his fantasy of becoming a cardboard tycoon. His wife, Laura, who’s still adjusting to the fact that their dining room table is now an impromptu sorting station, is trying to remain supportive.

“He told me we’d double our money in a month,” Laura said, nervously looking at the growing stack of Luka Garza rookie cards. “At this point, I’m just hoping we break even. I mean, I’d settle for getting enough back to fix the leaky faucet, but Greg’s still convinced we’re headed to early retirement.”

While Thompson continues to post optimistic photos of his latest "fire pulls" on Instagram, his friends have started a side hustle of their own: quietly placing bets on when he’ll finally admit he made a catastrophic financial blunder.

“I’ve got $50 that says he cracks by Christmas,” said Thompson’s longtime friend, Jake, who hasn’t heard Thompson mention the word “ROI” without a hint of desperation in weeks. “The man has no idea what he’s doing. He thinks because he saw someone pull a 1-of-1 Ja Morant on YouTube, it’s only a matter of time before he does too. It’s tragic, but also kind of entertaining.”

Jake’s sentiments are shared by others in their group, who have witnessed Thompson’s gradual descent into a world of Prizm parallels, low-tier autographs, and relentless denial. “We all want to help him,” said another friend, Brian, “but it’s too late. He’s in too deep. Once you start talking about ‘investing’ in cards of G-League players, you’re already lost.”

As the days wear on and the empty Prizm boxes pile up, Thompson remains resolute. His latest plan involves holding onto the cards "for at least a decade," certain that by 2033, the forgotten 12th man on the Kings bench will somehow become the hottest player in the league.

“People said the same thing about Bitcoin back in the day,” Thompson said confidently. “This is just like that. Sure, there’s a dip right now, but I’m holding long-term. You’ll see. Once these base cards go up in value, I’m going to be laughing at everyone who doubted me.”

Thompson’s friends, meanwhile, are quietly increasing their bets.