The Short Print

  July 2, 2024 – In a landmark decision that has left economists, collectors, and probably even a few major league pitchers scratching their heads, the Supreme Court has ruled that sports cards are now to be considered legal tender across the United States. The 5-4 decision in the case of Topps v. The United States has sparked wild enthusiasm, rampant confusion, and a spike in the value of every dusty shoebox in every attic nationwide. Justice Sonia Sotomayor, delivering the majority opinion, declared, “It is time we recognize the intrinsic value that sports cards have long held in the hearts and wallets of Americans. From Babe Ruth to LeBron James, these pieces of cardboard have as much cultural and economic weight as the dollar bill.” The Great Economic Rebound of 2024 The stock market, initially reeling from the decision, quickly rebounded as collectors began flooding eBay and local card shops, hoping to convert their collections into what now amounts to a shiny new retirement...