The Short Print

    In what should be the pinnacle of baseball’s historic rivalry, the Los Angeles Dodgers and New York Yankees are set to face off in a highly anticipated World Series. Fans are gearing up for a showdown between two of the most storied franchises in Major League Baseball. But let’s be honest—most people don’t care who wins. What they really care about? The sports cards. With Shohei Ohtani now suiting up for the Dodgers and Aaron Judge still holding down the fort for the Yankees, collectors across the globe are ignoring the games and frantically refreshing eBay listings, desperate to secure the latest cardboard gems featuring their favorite players mid-strikeout or maybe chewing gum in the dugout. “I Haven’t Watched a Game Since 2019,” Admits Collector “I mean, sure, it’s cool that the Dodgers and Yankees are playing,” said Greg Martin, a lifelong Yankees fan who has meticulously avoided watching any actual baseball since discovering sports card trading. “But did you see that ...

  Forget about cash, it's all about trading cards in the new economy! In a move that has shocked both the financial world and anyone who thought Beanie Babies were the peak of speculative absurdity, trading cards have officially replaced traditional currency in 2024. As of last week, major grocery chains across the U.S. announced that they will now accept Pokémon, sports, and even Magic: The Gathering cards as legitimate payment—because who needs cash when you’ve got a mint-condition Charizard? The shift, sparked by economic instability, inflation, and frankly, sheer boredom with paper money, has collectors everywhere scrambling to assess the current market value of their junk drawer treasures. Charizard: The New Benjamin Franklin “Honestly, I was just trying to buy a gallon of milk,” said Samantha Jones, who first discovered the new payment system while grocery shopping in Kansas City. “The cashier noticed the 1999 Charizard in my wallet, and next thing I knew, I’d covered my groc...

  Topps has once again set the card-collecting world ablaze with their latest release of Topps NOW cards, commemorating every single thing Shohei Ohtani does in a Dodgers uniform and Paul Skenes’ rise to stardom with the Pirates. Fans of both players are scrambling to keep up with the near-hourly drops, which now range from highlight-reel home runs to “minorly impressive batting practice swings.” Ohtani’s Day at Dodgers Blue Brings Historic Levels of Topps NOW Cards Since his controversial signing with the Dodgers, Shohei Ohtani’s Topps NOW presence has reached unprecedented levels. What started as a tribute to his historic two-way skills has now turned into something bordering on the absurd. Every time Ohtani even breathes in a Dodgers jersey, Topps is ready to drop another card. “We couldn’t resist,” said a Topps spokesperson, while casually unboxing the 348th Ohtani Topps NOW release of the season. “Fans demand it, and Shohei’s done a lot since joining the Dodgers. Just last ...